I feel this pent up anger residing in me. Anger that I'm in this situation and anger at everyone. Lucky that I'm self aware enough that I have booked to talk to a professional tomorrow. I need the tools to be able to cope with this. What sparked some rage yesterday was that the clinic I booked for didn't do full sedation and only did conscious sedation. The guy on the line proceeded to tell me that it was okay because most women don't remember... ummmm okay... that's not the point and doesn't make me feel better. Then my doctor didn't ring me back for another referral so I had to find another place to book my abortion and it's now pushed out until next week. I'm just anxious to have it looming over me.
I feel like today however was a better day. I did get snappy at people asking me how I was but I tried to explain why I hate that question. I feel like they can somewhat understand where I'm coming from. So I think they know to stop asking.
I laughed today. Genuinely laughed at some silly things that happened. So it made me feel good about how everything is going. A bit of light on my otherwise shit mood. I like being organised and I feel I've done everything I can to be just that.
I'll be thinking about it all weekend until my procedure on Monday. Hopefully nothing major upsets me by then!