My decision to abort - Part 14

I believe I've now got to a point where I don't think about this with sadness. I've got so much more to live for and as unfortunate an event, I've finally moved forward that it was a decision I made and learned from.

Thank you to everyone who supported me in this journey. I feel blessed that people would take the time out of their day to read the internal struggle of my life and be kind on my journey. I'm ready to close this off as I turn the pages over in my story.

My decision to abort - Part 13

Things are looking up. I had to ask myself "who is the person you want to be?".

I don't want this abortion to define me. I have to think about it as something that has happened in my life and something I have to grow from.

Just how exactly am I going to do this? Well, I'm looking at my spiritual path that I haven't fully explored to guide me out of this situation. I'm fortunate enough to believe in something greater than me to pull me through. It'll help me refocus on the person I want to be.

Some people suggested I speak to a professional, which I would normally turn to but because I've already been advised that all those feelings are normal and some women overcome them, that's good enough for me to not seek further advice. I'm entrusting my faith into my spiritual path. Of course, if I feel like I'm falling off the rails, I will speak to a psychologist again but I truly feel inside that I'm going to be okay.

Some lightbulb moment occurred last week about what I need to do. Thanks to a friend for linking me Mel Robbins 5 second rule which talks about our inability to make decisions that impose hesitation and self doubt. The difference between knowing what to do and actually actioning it. This 5 second rule is going to catapult me into looking after myself also.

My decision to abort - Part 5

I feel this pent up anger residing in me. Anger that I'm in this situation and anger at everyone. Lucky that I'm self aware enough that I have booked to talk to a professional tomorrow. I need the tools to be able to cope with this. What sparked some rage yesterday was that the clinic I booked for didn't do full sedation and only did conscious sedation. The guy on the line proceeded to tell me that it was okay because most women don't remember... ummmm okay... that's not the point and doesn't make me feel better. Then my doctor didn't ring me back for another referral so I had to find another place to book my abortion and it's now pushed out until next week. I'm just anxious to have it looming over me.

I feel like today however was a better day. I did get snappy at people asking me how I was but I tried to explain why I hate that question. I feel like they can somewhat understand where I'm coming from. So I think they know to stop asking.

I laughed today. Genuinely laughed at some silly things that happened. So it made me feel good about how everything is going. A bit of light on my otherwise shit mood. I like being organised and I feel I've done everything I can to be just that.

I'll be thinking about it all weekend until my procedure on Monday. Hopefully nothing major upsets me by then!