Everything Hits at Once Part 2

Hand Rain Window

I thought I was in the all clear. Finally landed a job and was out of my stressful mind, but life throws you curve balls all the time! I received news on my friend’s birthday that my nenek (grandmother) had suffered her second stroke. I just burst into tears because it was overwhelming. If everything could go wrong at once, it really was going wrong all at once! After being left out of some serious information, my brother and I decided quite quickly to go to Singapore to be with our nenek. It was one of the hardest truths I had to face. As soon as I saw her, I broke down and cried. She was weak and it just wasn’t what you wanted to see – a loved one in that state.

I was also sent with some challenges from a higher power and my guides and friends helped me through it. I needed to cut cords for my nenek. That was a tough task. I severed ties to all her children as well as my brother and I. My nenek also had chains that she attached herself to this earth. She just didn’t want to leave. I completed that task after never having performed it for someone else before but I managed to get it done. From there, I was sent another challenge. Only thinking there was one, I thought “great! what other tests are they going to send me?”. I was to do a peace spell. I didn’t have any tools I would normally use for these spells. All I knew was that I was going to do it in another plane. My friend told me that it involves roses, so I had my nenek’s higher self, her children’s higher selves, my brother’s higher self and my higher self in a rose field whilst I performed the first day. After that first day, I felt like the spell wasn’t complete and it needed to go for 3 days. I repeated the spell with all the higher selves on another plane and each day, something new happened in the spell. Writing this down has reminded me that I was supposed to note the details down.

I felt that there was still another test, so I asked. They wanted me to create a last rites spell – the kind a priest delivers to someone about to pass. Like the last rites of passage which is death. I wrote the spell up using the elements and I soon learned that I have a knack for writing spells. They don’t always necessarily rhyme, but it’s like I’m a natural spell caster. Gave me confidence. I thought these 3 tasks were it. I was wrong! Again, another challenge was sent to me. I was to write an honouring the dead ritual. I didn’t complete this task whilst in Singapore, because I never got to deliver the last rites spell, so I didn’t complete the honouring the dead.

There was a night when my nenek’s higher self came to me scared. So I went to the spiritual plane to see what was going on. She was scared to pass onto the other side. My friends advised to get the Great Mother and an ancestor to help. So I met with a skinny old lady who I assumed was nenek’s grandmother and Mother Gaia. I left my nenek with them as reassurance that it was safe to go to the other side. My mum also confirmed that the little old lady I saw was my nenek’s grandmother. My nenek stayed. I did a tarot reading and the cards said that she was fighting to stay but after choosing to stay, she’d realise that it wasn’t worth it. My nenek returned as there wasn’t peace in the family and she wanted to know that her children would be okay. My mum, uncles and aunty are all capable adults and are doing fine. Now I don’t understand why she would come back, but I guess it’s always that fear of the unknown. Not really knowing the truth of what happens when you die and it takes a lot of faith to let go. I feel that she’s stuck between thinking that her children need her and not knowing what’s on the other side.

So, I watched as my nenek got better. I watched her sleep. I massaged her legs and head. I watched her physio get her to try moving her left side of her body that wasn’t mobile. I watched her try and exercise. I left Singapore as she started to get fed through the mouth rather than tubes. Since then, my mum has told me that nenek told her children that she came back because she was worried about the in house fighting that was happening with her children and she was worried that her children wouldn’t be able to survive without her. I forgot to mention that my mum and her siblings have some tension going on. Just know that my nenek was not conscious most of the time so how did she know they were all angry about something? She couldn’t have. Anyway, I kept telling all of them to clear the air as nenek could probably feel that energy and it’s always best to speak your truth. I encouraged but no one wanted to budge, so I kept nagging mum to and it seems that the air is clear. Mum has also spoken to me that she thinks her late father is there waiting for nenek. I am not sure of this as I haven’t checked. I left Singapore thinking nenek wanted to really fight and recover, as her grandmother said she chose to stay and there was nothing people on the other side could do.

The latest update is that nenek is in and out of illness – having fever and headaches. She is conscious of where she is and sometimes she isn’t. To me, that suggests that she’s in between worlds. I personally would have loved for her to go in peace, but now she’s in pain and suffering in a weak vessel as she chose to be on earth holding onto her children when she doesn’t need to. She could be free of pain and that’s what I wish for her. She’s not young and can’t fight this fast like a younger person would. So, my mum has asked me to visit her higher self once more and see if there is anything I can do. I will try, but ultimately, it’s my nenek’s choice and no one can force her to leave this life unless she wants to. I completed the Honouring the dead ritual wording today, but I still have the actual ritual parts to complete. I think that will come to me in the next few days.

For anyone reading my blog for the first time, I am a practising medium. I do see dead people and don’t necessarily seek out spirits. I can see angels, guides, ancestors, gods and goddesses. You might think it’s all crap but I cannot explain what I see. When people confirm the people I see, how can it not be real? When I opened myself like this spiritually, I opened myself to a whole new world. This is my journey.

Hectic Life

Photo by  Ian Schneider  on  Unsplash

Photo by Ian Schneider on Unsplash

My June was hectic! I had a lot going on from belly dance practise for a performance at the end of the month and doing more magick. Seemed like I had quite a few people wanting to catch up with me and then I offered free readings and had over 40 to do! I really pushed myself to do so much in my life because I didn’t really feel like my work was giving me the best of attitudes.

13th July marks my anniversary day for dedicating myself as a witch. I still have so much to learn but I just didn’t realise how fast the year and a day turned. I haven’t figured out what I wanted to do as a self celebratory ritual but I think I will figure it out on the go – whatever comes naturally right? This anniversary coincides with a blood moon so lucky me! I think it will be a powerful night.

So many opportunities have been presenting themselves and I am so grateful the way my life has turned out. When I offered free readings, I realised that not everyone provides feedback and not everyone says thank you. I found this quite disappointing as I’m trying to learn and improve myself but to not say thank you, is just plain rude. I find that people can be impatient as well. Even when I said I would give a number and a day of the week I would have the reading done by, people would still message me. It was an eye opener to how to manage and deal with people as I want to make this into a business.

My belly dance performance was fun! I actually fell sick that day with a fever and felt a bit dizzy but I worked so hard for months to perform and I wasn’t going to miss it. The last time I performed was in high school and that was 17 years ago. I was quite nervous when I got on stage but when it was over, I felt so exhilarated! I was so proud of myself for pushing comfort zones and just going for it!

Tuesdays I still attend a group meditation and a lot of my messages have been to connect with my ancestors. I have so much work to do on this but since I keep getting repeated messages, I need to get on this! Wednesdays I have been filling with practise tarot nights and motivational magick with other witches. It has been great in getting me to perform magick more often because I don’t always make time for it.

I’ve been to quite a few gigs in June. Was quite magical in the sense of being free and listening to music with all these random people and sharing our love for that artist. I live for those experiences and don’t have any gigs until November now. So, I’m definitely just on the lookout to go to more unknown artists.

I also had my first live reading day with my medium skills. I have been doing a year course since August last year and didn’t know how I’d go doing readings for strangers. Sometimes I feel blocked and can’t always see loved ones crossed over or any guides. That day I had 9 spirits come through, both people and animals for 2 people I read for. It was just the confidence boost I needed to really propel me into the belief that I can do anything I set my mind to.

This month, I was offered to become a reader at the Muses of Mystery in Melbourne on Monday afternoons and it’s all very exciting! I was going to build up to that but it presented itself so I went for it! I am actually in the process of building my business and doing tarot reading at the same time. I eventually want to make this a full time job but at the moment, I will need to side hustle.

So my July was meant to be a rest month but I am finding that it might just be a lil bit hectic as I start my own business. Never actually dreamed of being my own boss but here I am, just going for it! When I figure out a website, business name and set up a way for people to pay or donate, then I shall advertise that so I can do readings for people. It’s an exciting time in my life and I didn’t know it would end up this way. Got to work hard to make this business a success!

Rain

Photo by  Eutah Mizushima  on  Unsplash

I love the sound of raining falling and connecting with the world outside. I forget how calm I feel when I am truly aware of it and just take a moment to listen. I remembered as I was doing one of my lessons for my 365 day challenge to just be aware. It's amazing the changes I am slowly making in my life from these lessons and I needed to be reminded to just appreciate the simple things.

I felt a bit of an overwhelm today. I feel like sometimes the perfectionist in me just wants things done with precision, and I wish things were just already done for me. I have to remember to appreciate the journey. When I'm wanting to get things done right here and now, it means I'm once again lacking the patience to enjoy. I don't want to overwhelm myself in this way but I continually do it. I'm glad I can take a moment to recognise it, that I'm self aware of this characteristic in me.

I will need to work on my timetable of activities. My goal list is quite extensive and I want to achieve as much as possible this year. I also want to be free spirited and do what I feel is right at the time, so there is this conflict of - be regimented or just go with the flow. Right now I'd prefer to just go with the flow. I have been documenting the activity I do on the day in a physical diary, just to feel a sense of achievement and it's working. I just don't want to neglect one area over another. My brain is a bit scattered now trying to figure it out.

So, back to the rain I go. I am currently aware of the cars passing by as I listen to the water swish through the tyres. I would like some more rain to fall so I can here the pitter patters outside. I want some calming feeling right now. No need to stress over minor things that will fall into place when they are supposed to. Bring on some water healing!