Everything Hits at Once Part 2

Hand Rain Window

I thought I was in the all clear. Finally landed a job and was out of my stressful mind, but life throws you curve balls all the time! I received news on my friend’s birthday that my nenek (grandmother) had suffered her second stroke. I just burst into tears because it was overwhelming. If everything could go wrong at once, it really was going wrong all at once! After being left out of some serious information, my brother and I decided quite quickly to go to Singapore to be with our nenek. It was one of the hardest truths I had to face. As soon as I saw her, I broke down and cried. She was weak and it just wasn’t what you wanted to see – a loved one in that state.

I was also sent with some challenges from a higher power and my guides and friends helped me through it. I needed to cut cords for my nenek. That was a tough task. I severed ties to all her children as well as my brother and I. My nenek also had chains that she attached herself to this earth. She just didn’t want to leave. I completed that task after never having performed it for someone else before but I managed to get it done. From there, I was sent another challenge. Only thinking there was one, I thought “great! what other tests are they going to send me?”. I was to do a peace spell. I didn’t have any tools I would normally use for these spells. All I knew was that I was going to do it in another plane. My friend told me that it involves roses, so I had my nenek’s higher self, her children’s higher selves, my brother’s higher self and my higher self in a rose field whilst I performed the first day. After that first day, I felt like the spell wasn’t complete and it needed to go for 3 days. I repeated the spell with all the higher selves on another plane and each day, something new happened in the spell. Writing this down has reminded me that I was supposed to note the details down.

I felt that there was still another test, so I asked. They wanted me to create a last rites spell – the kind a priest delivers to someone about to pass. Like the last rites of passage which is death. I wrote the spell up using the elements and I soon learned that I have a knack for writing spells. They don’t always necessarily rhyme, but it’s like I’m a natural spell caster. Gave me confidence. I thought these 3 tasks were it. I was wrong! Again, another challenge was sent to me. I was to write an honouring the dead ritual. I didn’t complete this task whilst in Singapore, because I never got to deliver the last rites spell, so I didn’t complete the honouring the dead.

There was a night when my nenek’s higher self came to me scared. So I went to the spiritual plane to see what was going on. She was scared to pass onto the other side. My friends advised to get the Great Mother and an ancestor to help. So I met with a skinny old lady who I assumed was nenek’s grandmother and Mother Gaia. I left my nenek with them as reassurance that it was safe to go to the other side. My mum also confirmed that the little old lady I saw was my nenek’s grandmother. My nenek stayed. I did a tarot reading and the cards said that she was fighting to stay but after choosing to stay, she’d realise that it wasn’t worth it. My nenek returned as there wasn’t peace in the family and she wanted to know that her children would be okay. My mum, uncles and aunty are all capable adults and are doing fine. Now I don’t understand why she would come back, but I guess it’s always that fear of the unknown. Not really knowing the truth of what happens when you die and it takes a lot of faith to let go. I feel that she’s stuck between thinking that her children need her and not knowing what’s on the other side.

So, I watched as my nenek got better. I watched her sleep. I massaged her legs and head. I watched her physio get her to try moving her left side of her body that wasn’t mobile. I watched her try and exercise. I left Singapore as she started to get fed through the mouth rather than tubes. Since then, my mum has told me that nenek told her children that she came back because she was worried about the in house fighting that was happening with her children and she was worried that her children wouldn’t be able to survive without her. I forgot to mention that my mum and her siblings have some tension going on. Just know that my nenek was not conscious most of the time so how did she know they were all angry about something? She couldn’t have. Anyway, I kept telling all of them to clear the air as nenek could probably feel that energy and it’s always best to speak your truth. I encouraged but no one wanted to budge, so I kept nagging mum to and it seems that the air is clear. Mum has also spoken to me that she thinks her late father is there waiting for nenek. I am not sure of this as I haven’t checked. I left Singapore thinking nenek wanted to really fight and recover, as her grandmother said she chose to stay and there was nothing people on the other side could do.

The latest update is that nenek is in and out of illness – having fever and headaches. She is conscious of where she is and sometimes she isn’t. To me, that suggests that she’s in between worlds. I personally would have loved for her to go in peace, but now she’s in pain and suffering in a weak vessel as she chose to be on earth holding onto her children when she doesn’t need to. She could be free of pain and that’s what I wish for her. She’s not young and can’t fight this fast like a younger person would. So, my mum has asked me to visit her higher self once more and see if there is anything I can do. I will try, but ultimately, it’s my nenek’s choice and no one can force her to leave this life unless she wants to. I completed the Honouring the dead ritual wording today, but I still have the actual ritual parts to complete. I think that will come to me in the next few days.

For anyone reading my blog for the first time, I am a practising medium. I do see dead people and don’t necessarily seek out spirits. I can see angels, guides, ancestors, gods and goddesses. You might think it’s all crap but I cannot explain what I see. When people confirm the people I see, how can it not be real? When I opened myself like this spiritually, I opened myself to a whole new world. This is my journey.

Everything Hits at Once...

Photo by  Krists Luhaers  on  Unsplash

When bad news comes, it comes in massive hits. There was some disappointing moments that occurred with myself and some work mates at our witchy job. I don’t think I’ll be returning there ever again, even though they helped me on my spiritual path. I got news last week that I was being made redundant at my full-time job. And, lastly my mother messaged my brother and I last week to tell us that they found a growth in her breast and she finds out Monday if it’s cancer.

I’ve started to believe that everything comes in threes and that may be a witchy thing, but I’ve found on my journey that things comes in threes and that it brings balance. I think this is a test of my own resilience. How I can process my emotions, to allow them to flow so that it leads to acceptance and then I can move forward from there. The worst is waiting for the news on my mother. The waiting game is not fun.

I haven’t had any focus on anything else at the moment. My main focus since discovering the news last week, is to think about securing a job. It’s why I stopped my regular blog posts for a few days because I just needed to process and switch off from the world. It’s a bit tough before the Christmas period too. Just that I don’t think many companies advertise jobs at this time. I am hopeful however. I think if I send out intentions of finding a job, then it will happen. I’m not worried or nervous at this point. As for my mum’s news, that I’m almost dying to know. I just need to know! It’s not nice having to wait on the worst possible news. I have prayed that it’s not serious and that whatever happens that my mum’s body heals from it.

That’s my life right now and I’m just taking it as it comes. I know I can conquer anything as that’s the most important thing. Sometimes we get challenged more in certain points in our life over other times. It will pass.

Recognising My Own Depression

Towards the end of August, I started feeling emotionless. I recognised that I was seeing the signs of depression again. I think one thing happened after another – some things happened on my birthday, got a tax bill, work didn’t seem like it was worth it…

My friend decided to ask his guides what was going on with me and saw a shattered black mirror behind me, like it was sucking my energy. I decided to go in myself and see what this was about. I asked what this black mirror was about as my friend described it like a black hole. I had manifested this mirror upon myself. I know not to do this but I started comparing myself to other people. I start thinking to myself “maybe I don’t deserve good things” or “maybe I’m not good enough”. Add that to the events occurring in my life, it sent me spiralling. So, I decided to use my guides to shatter this mirror with light and send it back out to the Universe.

I didn’t feel quite right, so I decided to ask what else there was. There was a golem like creature lurking within my subconscious. Something I also manifested myself through my own diminishing thoughts. I decided to ask my guides to help. Blasted it full of light until it shrunk and my eagle animal spirit guide, took it and flew it out to the Universe to not come back again. I know to change my thoughts around. I know to not let those negative thoughts cycle through and now I need to concentrate on not letting those thoughts take over.

There was one final piece of the puzzle. I had a tarot reading from a friend who said I had someone who was jealous or envious of me trying to disrupt my life with ill thoughts. Not sure if they were casting a spell on me, but there was something going on. My guides told her that I needed to protect myself through spell work and I would need to do a warding spell. In addition to this, I was told that I needed to do a spell in order to bring my future love to a meeting place, so that I would meet him.

There was also some cutting of the cords that I did with 6 people. I felt like this was a good exercise to get rid of people that may have been holding me back. One of my witch mentors helped me with that and then I made the warding incense to protect my home. All the spells and warding have been cast. I think I felt so much better after dealing with this onset of depression. I think I still have cords to cut with a few more people and then I will be free. I shall do that soon.

There has something else that has come up in the last week and I feel like I’ve got things to work out. Think there are bigger things I need to focus on rather than keeping the mundane things in life in order. There is a higher calling coming through and I will focus on that. For now, I shall leave my entry on that and hopefully have more of an update in the next month.