Recognising My Own Depression

Towards the end of August, I started feeling emotionless. I recognised that I was seeing the signs of depression again. I think one thing happened after another – some things happened on my birthday, got a tax bill, work didn’t seem like it was worth it…

My friend decided to ask his guides what was going on with me and saw a shattered black mirror behind me, like it was sucking my energy. I decided to go in myself and see what this was about. I asked what this black mirror was about as my friend described it like a black hole. I had manifested this mirror upon myself. I know not to do this but I started comparing myself to other people. I start thinking to myself “maybe I don’t deserve good things” or “maybe I’m not good enough”. Add that to the events occurring in my life, it sent me spiralling. So, I decided to use my guides to shatter this mirror with light and send it back out to the Universe.

I didn’t feel quite right, so I decided to ask what else there was. There was a golem like creature lurking within my subconscious. Something I also manifested myself through my own diminishing thoughts. I decided to ask my guides to help. Blasted it full of light until it shrunk and my eagle animal spirit guide, took it and flew it out to the Universe to not come back again. I know to change my thoughts around. I know to not let those negative thoughts cycle through and now I need to concentrate on not letting those thoughts take over.

There was one final piece of the puzzle. I had a tarot reading from a friend who said I had someone who was jealous or envious of me trying to disrupt my life with ill thoughts. Not sure if they were casting a spell on me, but there was something going on. My guides told her that I needed to protect myself through spell work and I would need to do a warding spell. In addition to this, I was told that I needed to do a spell in order to bring my future love to a meeting place, so that I would meet him.

There was also some cutting of the cords that I did with 6 people. I felt like this was a good exercise to get rid of people that may have been holding me back. One of my witch mentors helped me with that and then I made the warding incense to protect my home. All the spells and warding have been cast. I think I felt so much better after dealing with this onset of depression. I think I still have cords to cut with a few more people and then I will be free. I shall do that soon.

There has something else that has come up in the last week and I feel like I’ve got things to work out. Think there are bigger things I need to focus on rather than keeping the mundane things in life in order. There is a higher calling coming through and I will focus on that. For now, I shall leave my entry on that and hopefully have more of an update in the next month.

Hectic Life

Photo by  Ian Schneider  on  Unsplash

Photo by Ian Schneider on Unsplash

My June was hectic! I had a lot going on from belly dance practise for a performance at the end of the month and doing more magick. Seemed like I had quite a few people wanting to catch up with me and then I offered free readings and had over 40 to do! I really pushed myself to do so much in my life because I didn’t really feel like my work was giving me the best of attitudes.

13th July marks my anniversary day for dedicating myself as a witch. I still have so much to learn but I just didn’t realise how fast the year and a day turned. I haven’t figured out what I wanted to do as a self celebratory ritual but I think I will figure it out on the go – whatever comes naturally right? This anniversary coincides with a blood moon so lucky me! I think it will be a powerful night.

So many opportunities have been presenting themselves and I am so grateful the way my life has turned out. When I offered free readings, I realised that not everyone provides feedback and not everyone says thank you. I found this quite disappointing as I’m trying to learn and improve myself but to not say thank you, is just plain rude. I find that people can be impatient as well. Even when I said I would give a number and a day of the week I would have the reading done by, people would still message me. It was an eye opener to how to manage and deal with people as I want to make this into a business.

My belly dance performance was fun! I actually fell sick that day with a fever and felt a bit dizzy but I worked so hard for months to perform and I wasn’t going to miss it. The last time I performed was in high school and that was 17 years ago. I was quite nervous when I got on stage but when it was over, I felt so exhilarated! I was so proud of myself for pushing comfort zones and just going for it!

Tuesdays I still attend a group meditation and a lot of my messages have been to connect with my ancestors. I have so much work to do on this but since I keep getting repeated messages, I need to get on this! Wednesdays I have been filling with practise tarot nights and motivational magick with other witches. It has been great in getting me to perform magick more often because I don’t always make time for it.

I’ve been to quite a few gigs in June. Was quite magical in the sense of being free and listening to music with all these random people and sharing our love for that artist. I live for those experiences and don’t have any gigs until November now. So, I’m definitely just on the lookout to go to more unknown artists.

I also had my first live reading day with my medium skills. I have been doing a year course since August last year and didn’t know how I’d go doing readings for strangers. Sometimes I feel blocked and can’t always see loved ones crossed over or any guides. That day I had 9 spirits come through, both people and animals for 2 people I read for. It was just the confidence boost I needed to really propel me into the belief that I can do anything I set my mind to.

This month, I was offered to become a reader at the Muses of Mystery in Melbourne on Monday afternoons and it’s all very exciting! I was going to build up to that but it presented itself so I went for it! I am actually in the process of building my business and doing tarot reading at the same time. I eventually want to make this a full time job but at the moment, I will need to side hustle.

So my July was meant to be a rest month but I am finding that it might just be a lil bit hectic as I start my own business. Never actually dreamed of being my own boss but here I am, just going for it! When I figure out a website, business name and set up a way for people to pay or donate, then I shall advertise that so I can do readings for people. It’s an exciting time in my life and I didn’t know it would end up this way. Got to work hard to make this business a success!

My decision to abort - Part 14

I believe I've now got to a point where I don't think about this with sadness. I've got so much more to live for and as unfortunate an event, I've finally moved forward that it was a decision I made and learned from.

Thank you to everyone who supported me in this journey. I feel blessed that people would take the time out of their day to read the internal struggle of my life and be kind on my journey. I'm ready to close this off as I turn the pages over in my story.