August Self-Care

Photo by  rawpixel  on  Unsplash

Photo by rawpixel on Unsplash

I took some time off work to just get away from it. I don’t have anything in particular planned but I wanted to focus on myself. I think self-care is important and it’s for my own sanity. So far I have decluttered my clothing again, make-up and kitchen. It’s been good in that regard.

I celebrated my 34th birthday and realised that birthday celebrations are a bit overrated so I may just not celebrate any further. I don’t feel the joys of it like I used to and that’s more than okay. I think I’m growing out of it.

I have so much work to do in regards to my writing and business. I keep getting messages to just start. Doesn’t matter of what’s right or wrong but just initiating some movement on them is a step in a forward direction. I’m just stuck at the moment of nothingness. Sometimes I feel so tired to do anything and I guess these 2 weeks I’ve taken off will allow me to just rest. Maybe that’s all I need right now.

I feel like time escapes me a lot. It’s not that I sleep in often during this time off, but before I know it, it’s 3pm and I don’t know where the day has gone. I’ve been trying to create a space that I like living in for some time and I thought I would focus on just that, but also setting up my business is important too. I’m like torn on how to spend my time. At the moment, I’m just trying to do what I can.

A positive is that I finished learning an oracle deck and I’m ready to start my next one. I have caught up on my blogging that I was a bit behind on. I feel like I need to study more in my witchcraft and do a lot of reading which I haven’t been motivated to do.

The thing that kind of hindered my spirit was a tax bill from 2017 because my employer hadn’t taken the right amount of money out. Have yet to do taxes for 2018 but I feel like I’m going to have the same dilemma. I think it was a wake up call to be wiser with my money. I want to save so I can go travel next year as I wasn’t able to go this year. Got to clear my debts out before I got travelling further I think.

I have a lot of catching up with people to do also. Again, finding time is my current problem. Is there a way to extend time? Or be in 2 places at once? I would love that. If I could stretch myself in this way, I feel like I’d get so much more done.

At the moment, it’s busy but I just got to keep making tracks, even if they are small tracks.

What will he bring?

They ask me what am I doing... I answer with "I don't know". Can morals ever over rule my feelings and desires? I wonder... I wonder if the decisions in this situation are right. Do I take the risk of liking someone with no definitive answer? Is their heart really occupied by another? Do they even feel for me?

I like knowing that my heart can feel again. Yes, in time of course it would. I am surprised at the time it decides to present itself. I am open to the possibilities. Maybe he's not right for me. Maybe he's only here to open my eyes to what could be. Being lustful, being playful, being care free - who doesn't like being caught up in emotions and actions that lead to love and laughter.

Do I love him? Definitely not. Could I? That's a ripe question that even I can't guarantee. Throwing feelings out there is a chance. I've already taken the chance. Will anything eventuate? We shall see. I wonder if you can gaze into another persons' eyes and you'll just know that it's right.Or maybe, you'll just know that it's all wrong. I wonder what our meeting will bring.

I hope that I'm not weak. I hope I won't succumb to my devious heart. I want to be guided by my gut, following only my instincts - this is something I still need to learn. I hope he respects me. I hope he won't mess with my mind. What am I getting myself into? The time is approaching, creeping up ever so slowly and though my heart tickles with excitement, reservation kicks in also.

Is it human nature to have expectations? Or is it just me? I don't want to set myself up for disappointment. But who does? So many questions.... Maybe I just like answers. Nothing wrong with wanting answers but then over analysis is my weakness. So here I am, letting it out of my mind. What will be, will be...

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Everything will work out the way it's supposed to...

The title of this post is actually a quote from Eureka - the TV series. I had forgotten about it. I find this particularly funny as it's a quote I usually live my life by. I'm not sure why I had forgotten about it. It's really just a motivator to keep telling myself that life isn't so bad and like it says "everything will work out the way it's supposed to". The only reason why I remembered this quote, is because, I got annoyed with Facebook telling me to update me info so I gave in, updated my info and re-stumbled on it. Is re-stumbled even a word? I think not but I can't be bothered checking.

For me right now, I feel I really need this. I have lost hope. I am losing hope and faith in humans. It took a friend telling me that she would have hope for me when I didn't have it for myself. I really love her for it and I think it's especially amazing to be blessed with people like that in my life. I actually have this hope for her as she is such a beautiful, loving person and I do hope that the most wonderful guy will one day see all these qualities she has. Funnily enough, upon saying that, she said that's how she felt for me.

So although there can be real asshole type people in the world and I can be too trusting, nice and caring for people, I have been told to try and be selective to whom I am nice to. This is hard for me because I am nice to everyone until they prove that they are bad people. I guess I need to be more cautious - pretty sure that's not the word I am looking for. Being burned is good because it sets me up to be stronger for next time. Or next time I won't like the people who are obviously no good to begin with because I didn't want to believe they would be that way.

I will sit here and ponder some more about how to be selective with  my niceness....

 

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