Everything Hits at Once...

Photo by  Krists Luhaers  on  Unsplash

When bad news comes, it comes in massive hits. There was some disappointing moments that occurred with myself and some work mates at our witchy job. I don’t think I’ll be returning there ever again, even though they helped me on my spiritual path. I got news last week that I was being made redundant at my full-time job. And, lastly my mother messaged my brother and I last week to tell us that they found a growth in her breast and she finds out Monday if it’s cancer.

I’ve started to believe that everything comes in threes and that may be a witchy thing, but I’ve found on my journey that things comes in threes and that it brings balance. I think this is a test of my own resilience. How I can process my emotions, to allow them to flow so that it leads to acceptance and then I can move forward from there. The worst is waiting for the news on my mother. The waiting game is not fun.

I haven’t had any focus on anything else at the moment. My main focus since discovering the news last week, is to think about securing a job. It’s why I stopped my regular blog posts for a few days because I just needed to process and switch off from the world. It’s a bit tough before the Christmas period too. Just that I don’t think many companies advertise jobs at this time. I am hopeful however. I think if I send out intentions of finding a job, then it will happen. I’m not worried or nervous at this point. As for my mum’s news, that I’m almost dying to know. I just need to know! It’s not nice having to wait on the worst possible news. I have prayed that it’s not serious and that whatever happens that my mum’s body heals from it.

That’s my life right now and I’m just taking it as it comes. I know I can conquer anything as that’s the most important thing. Sometimes we get challenged more in certain points in our life over other times. It will pass.

Recognising My Own Depression

Towards the end of August, I started feeling emotionless. I recognised that I was seeing the signs of depression again. I think one thing happened after another – some things happened on my birthday, got a tax bill, work didn’t seem like it was worth it…

My friend decided to ask his guides what was going on with me and saw a shattered black mirror behind me, like it was sucking my energy. I decided to go in myself and see what this was about. I asked what this black mirror was about as my friend described it like a black hole. I had manifested this mirror upon myself. I know not to do this but I started comparing myself to other people. I start thinking to myself “maybe I don’t deserve good things” or “maybe I’m not good enough”. Add that to the events occurring in my life, it sent me spiralling. So, I decided to use my guides to shatter this mirror with light and send it back out to the Universe.

I didn’t feel quite right, so I decided to ask what else there was. There was a golem like creature lurking within my subconscious. Something I also manifested myself through my own diminishing thoughts. I decided to ask my guides to help. Blasted it full of light until it shrunk and my eagle animal spirit guide, took it and flew it out to the Universe to not come back again. I know to change my thoughts around. I know to not let those negative thoughts cycle through and now I need to concentrate on not letting those thoughts take over.

There was one final piece of the puzzle. I had a tarot reading from a friend who said I had someone who was jealous or envious of me trying to disrupt my life with ill thoughts. Not sure if they were casting a spell on me, but there was something going on. My guides told her that I needed to protect myself through spell work and I would need to do a warding spell. In addition to this, I was told that I needed to do a spell in order to bring my future love to a meeting place, so that I would meet him.

There was also some cutting of the cords that I did with 6 people. I felt like this was a good exercise to get rid of people that may have been holding me back. One of my witch mentors helped me with that and then I made the warding incense to protect my home. All the spells and warding have been cast. I think I felt so much better after dealing with this onset of depression. I think I still have cords to cut with a few more people and then I will be free. I shall do that soon.

There has something else that has come up in the last week and I feel like I’ve got things to work out. Think there are bigger things I need to focus on rather than keeping the mundane things in life in order. There is a higher calling coming through and I will focus on that. For now, I shall leave my entry on that and hopefully have more of an update in the next month.

August Self-Care

Photo by  rawpixel  on  Unsplash

Photo by rawpixel on Unsplash

I took some time off work to just get away from it. I don’t have anything in particular planned but I wanted to focus on myself. I think self-care is important and it’s for my own sanity. So far I have decluttered my clothing again, make-up and kitchen. It’s been good in that regard.

I celebrated my 34th birthday and realised that birthday celebrations are a bit overrated so I may just not celebrate any further. I don’t feel the joys of it like I used to and that’s more than okay. I think I’m growing out of it.

I have so much work to do in regards to my writing and business. I keep getting messages to just start. Doesn’t matter of what’s right or wrong but just initiating some movement on them is a step in a forward direction. I’m just stuck at the moment of nothingness. Sometimes I feel so tired to do anything and I guess these 2 weeks I’ve taken off will allow me to just rest. Maybe that’s all I need right now.

I feel like time escapes me a lot. It’s not that I sleep in often during this time off, but before I know it, it’s 3pm and I don’t know where the day has gone. I’ve been trying to create a space that I like living in for some time and I thought I would focus on just that, but also setting up my business is important too. I’m like torn on how to spend my time. At the moment, I’m just trying to do what I can.

A positive is that I finished learning an oracle deck and I’m ready to start my next one. I have caught up on my blogging that I was a bit behind on. I feel like I need to study more in my witchcraft and do a lot of reading which I haven’t been motivated to do.

The thing that kind of hindered my spirit was a tax bill from 2017 because my employer hadn’t taken the right amount of money out. Have yet to do taxes for 2018 but I feel like I’m going to have the same dilemma. I think it was a wake up call to be wiser with my money. I want to save so I can go travel next year as I wasn’t able to go this year. Got to clear my debts out before I got travelling further I think.

I have a lot of catching up with people to do also. Again, finding time is my current problem. Is there a way to extend time? Or be in 2 places at once? I would love that. If I could stretch myself in this way, I feel like I’d get so much more done.

At the moment, it’s busy but I just got to keep making tracks, even if they are small tracks.