I thought about having the child as I know I'd dedicate my life to my Human. I would do everything in my power to give them the best life. The best plan would have been to move back with me family in Perth. I live in the other side of the country by myself and I'm pretty set on my life in Melbourne, so I won't want to move back. I started to think how could I do this?
I asked my aunty if she could stay with me for a year, the father said he'd paid for costs and I was set on having this child. I knew that I could make it work. I started looking at costs and that really shook me. The amount of articles in Australia for the cost of living with a child seems to exponentially increase every year. And when I started to think about this on my own, I questioned if I wanted to struggle like how my own mother did. I didn't want to live trying to make ends meet. Sometimes I couldn't make ends meet on my own as an adult, so that's a hard reality I would most likely face.
My friends started expressing their concern, still saying it's my choice but gave me things to think about. Most worries was that they didn't want me to be alone. One friend gave me something to really think about, that when the time came, sure people say they'd help but would they actually. He said he'd like to think people wouldn't go against their word but also people can be shit. This was something I didn't actually think about.
Now, you might think this friend actually deterred me from my decision but I thank him for it. I've had my fair share of struggles, most of which I do alone. Having a child means they become my world whilst I do it in most part by myself. I could move back to Perth where my family is, but I established my life on my own in Melbourne and I like my life. I have my own mortgage that I pay by myself and having a child would really mean stretching the funds out. I don't have savings for a child.
I think what really did it for me was when I woke up one morning, breasts aching and I started crying thinking to myself "I don't want to do this". I can feel my body changing and I just didn't want to go through pregnancy alone. I just wanted someone there to hold me. Not something a friend could offer in the comfort I want. I just wished I had a partner to hold me and share this journey of pregnancy with me. 9 months is a long time to be going through that by myself. If I had a partner, I wouldn't be swaying back and forth in my decision. But ultimately, I wanted to share the emotional roller coaster, the aches and pains, the joy, the happiness, with someone else. And, I wouldn't have that so that made me sad