I have neglected my blogs on all fronts. Well, let me tell you that life has changed for me in a massive way. My boyfriend of 10 years recently broke up with me - to cut it short as much as possible, we were both in 2 different stages of our lives and parted ways. This was a huge disruption to where I thought I would go, and be. What I wanted was to focus on myself, and discover, or even rediscover if there was anything I could do to gain ultimate happiness in my life.
Now, all I am left with is a blank feeling. I do not feel some of your regular emotions which is the oddest feeling to have. I can't say that's it's a feeling of emptiness because I feel somewhat full - even if it is half full, but I can't say I react to anything at the moment with any full enthusiasm. I don't feel sadness or happiness, but I can feel annoyance. Annoyance at other people is something I can do - maybe it is my only coping mechanism until something sparks in me to feel anything even remotely worthwhile.
So, I am going to Melbourne - possibly to live forever. Is this a good decision? I guess, I don't really care. What I need is to experience something I have never experienced before and say that I have done it and it could be the best thing that might ever happen to me. As I head into my 29th year of being on this earth, I am disappointed in where my life is at right now - I wished for children 27-28 - oh how that ship has sailed.
The time is to focus on myself, gain some life experiences and be in a state of complete serenity. That is what I want to achieve, whether I will be on my own or find someone new, this is the state I want to achieve for myself. All I can do, is grow as a person, set some new goals and hope that one day I succeed in what I want - maybe even need.
So, my posts will become more of my experiences in Melbourne and I hope to encourage people that even though you might lose things in life, there is always a chance to rebuild.