Oh Dear.... It's Been Over a Month

Photo by  Nicole Mason  on  Unsplash

Photo by Nicole Mason on Unsplash

So I didn't realise that I hadn't written in this online diary in so long. The last 2 weeks have actually been busy, and this weekend, I've just taken some time to be alone. I've really needed this.

My routine is quite set on Mondays - I have belly dance and Tuesdays - I have meditation. The past 2 weeks I've had music gigs to go and I've really enjoyed them. I mean, that's what I live for these days. Apart from this, I have been catching up with people and I haven't given myself a much needed break. 

Work isn't any better and I still have no control over that situation. I have tried looking for jobs, but nothing has come up that has really grabbed my attention. It's the one area of my life that continues to drain me, and flows onto all the activities I'm trying to enjoy outside of work. I haven't written the story for my book in over 2 weeks. To me, it's kind of disastrous right now.

I continue to blog daily to keep up routine, but I get frustrated at the drain work has over me right now, and how it's impacting my life. Like, all I want to do is read a book or study paganism, but I don't have any mental capacity to just get this done. I'm really struggling and it's annoying. Work is so out of balance for me, that once resolved, then my life will be fine. Well, that's what I believe anyway.

I just feel behind on my life goals. How does one gain more energy when you know what the problem is, but can't do anything about it? It's just a messed up situation to be in and I can only hold patience.

On some good news, I see my mediumship skills starting to really expand. My latest class from Sunday showed a major power shift and my teacher advised that we're all going to catapult from here. I feel both scared and excited, though more excited than anything. I want to practise more readings and get more skills. I think I can really do something good in this world through this work. The most exciting part was finally seeing the god Apollo when I've been wanting to "see" him for so long. I became attached to him from a card deck and he was a duplicate card, which showed to me that he was meant to be one of my guides. I've always connected to angel Ezekiel, Apollo and Mother Earth Gaia as my trio set. Apollo was the last guide that I hadn't actually seen, and this power shift was where he presented himself. It was a happy time for me! For anyone reading this, I saw this via a guided meditation.

So, I'll just keep doing what I'm doing, and hope the work situation really sorts itself by end of April.  All I want is more power and strength to get through the days, so I can get to my life goals.

I'm Nocturnal

Photo by  Lukas Robertson  on  Unsplash

Like most people, I work a 9-5 job. Why is this even a problem? I find I get most creative as the clock strikes midnight. But does that mean I should sacrifice sleep for my creations? Or do I sporadically nap in order to be awake for this creative period? This is my current dilemma. I feel like I have a lot to show the world but in my current regimented work schedule, it hinders what I truly want to do. I feel that straight after work I need to relax so I can switch my mind off though at the same time, I am not creative in the afternoon.

I seem to also lack concentration to even read a book. It’s like I need something so mindless, like some pointless TV show, to grab my attention. So last night, I couldn’t concentrate for hours and I felt that social media pull draw me in. All I could manage was focusing on mindless, pointless crap on Facebook. Then I had to tell myself NO. I tried reading a book but couldn’t concentrate. I tried reading for other people (with my oracle deck) but felt too drained. Then I was stuck in some limbo because I felt like I wasting time. Since I’ve been tackling my book idea for some time, I finally wrote 1 page of it last night. To me, that’s an achievement as I’ve had this book concept since 1/1/16. Small steps towards my grander goal!

I’ve been writing down everything I have accomplished every day in a diary, so I know I am achieving something daily. The past 2 days I have done oracle readings for others and I feel they have helped people move into the right direction. I feel like a lot of people are going through something right now where as I am not. I want to develop this skill, so much so, that I can get clear visions of their future movements. Right now I get fragments and have to interpret the visuals as to what I think it is. With more mediumship classes, I think it will come in time but it’s really exciting. I don’t want to slack off on this area, so even if I manage a reading a day for someone else and I receive feedback, it’ll help me on my way.

I wish I had more time in the day, or a job that allowed me to finish work at 23:00, so I could go straight home to create. I need to fit in my studies as well as learning languages, but managing my time is crucial, so that I get my rest. I think I will have to reside to a few hours after work and then a few before my actual shift, so that I have maybe 4-6 hours crossing over midnight to fully be creative. I’m not sure if that’ll be healthy but small sacrifice for the bigger picture. I will see how I go and maybe it’ll become second nature that I don’t even notice. That’s the hope anyway!