Recognising My Own Depression

Towards the end of August, I started feeling emotionless. I recognised that I was seeing the signs of depression again. I think one thing happened after another – some things happened on my birthday, got a tax bill, work didn’t seem like it was worth it…

My friend decided to ask his guides what was going on with me and saw a shattered black mirror behind me, like it was sucking my energy. I decided to go in myself and see what this was about. I asked what this black mirror was about as my friend described it like a black hole. I had manifested this mirror upon myself. I know not to do this but I started comparing myself to other people. I start thinking to myself “maybe I don’t deserve good things” or “maybe I’m not good enough”. Add that to the events occurring in my life, it sent me spiralling. So, I decided to use my guides to shatter this mirror with light and send it back out to the Universe.

I didn’t feel quite right, so I decided to ask what else there was. There was a golem like creature lurking within my subconscious. Something I also manifested myself through my own diminishing thoughts. I decided to ask my guides to help. Blasted it full of light until it shrunk and my eagle animal spirit guide, took it and flew it out to the Universe to not come back again. I know to change my thoughts around. I know to not let those negative thoughts cycle through and now I need to concentrate on not letting those thoughts take over.

There was one final piece of the puzzle. I had a tarot reading from a friend who said I had someone who was jealous or envious of me trying to disrupt my life with ill thoughts. Not sure if they were casting a spell on me, but there was something going on. My guides told her that I needed to protect myself through spell work and I would need to do a warding spell. In addition to this, I was told that I needed to do a spell in order to bring my future love to a meeting place, so that I would meet him.

There was also some cutting of the cords that I did with 6 people. I felt like this was a good exercise to get rid of people that may have been holding me back. One of my witch mentors helped me with that and then I made the warding incense to protect my home. All the spells and warding have been cast. I think I felt so much better after dealing with this onset of depression. I think I still have cords to cut with a few more people and then I will be free. I shall do that soon.

There has something else that has come up in the last week and I feel like I’ve got things to work out. Think there are bigger things I need to focus on rather than keeping the mundane things in life in order. There is a higher calling coming through and I will focus on that. For now, I shall leave my entry on that and hopefully have more of an update in the next month.

My decision to abort - Part 12

I feel damaged. I feel the emptiness.

 

I have this innate fear that people will also view me as damaged. It's like I'm not me anymore. So I have to try and work towards finding me. Through all that darkness I have to guide her to the light. She stays in the shadows sometimes but tiny fragments are able to shine through.

 

Patience is everything right now. To curb the frustration I push on myself. Step by step, day by day.