They ask me what am I doing... I answer with "I don't know". Can morals ever over rule my feelings and desires? I wonder... I wonder if the decisions in this situation are right. Do I take the risk of liking someone with no definitive answer? Is their heart really occupied by another? Do they even feel for me?
I like knowing that my heart can feel again. Yes, in time of course it would. I am surprised at the time it decides to present itself. I am open to the possibilities. Maybe he's not right for me. Maybe he's only here to open my eyes to what could be. Being lustful, being playful, being care free - who doesn't like being caught up in emotions and actions that lead to love and laughter.
Do I love him? Definitely not. Could I? That's a ripe question that even I can't guarantee. Throwing feelings out there is a chance. I've already taken the chance. Will anything eventuate? We shall see. I wonder if you can gaze into another persons' eyes and you'll just know that it's right.Or maybe, you'll just know that it's all wrong. I wonder what our meeting will bring.
I hope that I'm not weak. I hope I won't succumb to my devious heart. I want to be guided by my gut, following only my instincts - this is something I still need to learn. I hope he respects me. I hope he won't mess with my mind. What am I getting myself into? The time is approaching, creeping up ever so slowly and though my heart tickles with excitement, reservation kicks in also.
Is it human nature to have expectations? Or is it just me? I don't want to set myself up for disappointment. But who does? So many questions.... Maybe I just like answers. Nothing wrong with wanting answers but then over analysis is my weakness. So here I am, letting it out of my mind. What will be, will be...