Day 180 - A Year to Clear - Internal Markers

Photo by Andi Rieger on Unsplash

Lesson 180: Internal Markers

With the clearing course, there are obvious triumphs in the physical sense of clearing but what are the “internal markers”? Is there a way to remain present and spacious when faced with situations you are normally uncomfortable in? Is there a way to get through life without having a button pressed? How does one discover those triggers that makes us cycle through the storm that comes internally?

I know for me that I see triumph over the storm when I truly face my emotions. I like to know why I might get angry at something or frustrated. Lately, I have been dealing with anxiety at work and I couldn’t figure out why. I went to see a councillor who advised that I set my expectations too high and that when they are not met, I get frustrated and anxious that situations aren’t going my way. His advice to me was to lower my expectations in my work situation. He didn’t say not to lose my high standards or lower my own beliefs, it was more so that if I place too much expectation on something then I will get disappointed. I understood what he was saying and took that on board. I think that sometimes I’m not always going to figure out my triggers on my own but at least I’m open to discovering them.

I think what I try to do with most situations with friends or family that I don’t really know if I want be around, is to give it benefit of the doubt. I am much a person of giving something a go and if it doesn’t work out, then I just don’t do it again. I think living through experience is one of the better ways I have ever lived. Just give it a try and see how it works out.

I think the trigger I do recognise that causes anger in me is the inconsideration of others and how that can impact myself and those around me. Either people don’t have compassion, they live with ignorance or they just don’t care about how their environment effects the world around them. It’s a certain selfishness that I have difficulty understanding. It can be a simple act of not letting someone out of an elevator before entering themselves or walking in front of a car that is going through a green light. It’s like people purposely act shit sometimes. I have to remind myself that not everyone thinks like me.

Overall, I think this course has taught me to look at my emotions and feelings. There is no way to go through life without getting a rise in emotions, but I feel like I’m more self-aware than ever to be able to deal with them.