Day 12 - A Year of Spiritual Awakening - Imagine Your Body As

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Lesson 12: You may imagine your own body as...

I did this exercise on the Friday but didn't have the opportunity to write down what I had experienced. 

It was an interesting exercise having to imagine my body as a baby and holding myself to my heart, and then imagining myself as the older version of myself before my death. Again, I was to hold myself to my heart and expand my heart to feel what would come.

I was to understand that my body is ever changing and is a "divine container". Each day, changes occur to the point we don't recognise ourselves. I can't say that I have paid attention on a day to day basis but I can see that I have aged. Mostly noticeable the grey hairs are coming out which means age is coming for me. One day I will be unrecognisable to myself but will it matter? 

Everything leads to us eventually sheddding skin until our soul emerges. That, I think has a double meaning - by going on this spiritual awakening, we peel back layers to find our true selves and our souls emerge to the world, but then eventually when we pass on, we shed our divine container to join other souls in the next life. I think both are both beautiful in themselves but it's also what I believe now. It's having this faith in myself and the change I want to see in others also.

So from my meditation I was a bit hesitant about what would come. Not sure why, but I guess I didn't believe I'd be able to imagine my infant self and then the "day before your death" self. I opened myself to the Divine and baby me appeared instantly. I was newborn and in white. When I held myself, it felt like I was holding my own baby (I don't have a baby so don't know the sensation) and felt fulfilment. Then I moved onto the aged version of myself. It was a different experience - as if my older version was seeing me as death and knew that her time had come. It was if she didn't want to leave so there was this sadness, but at the same time I was there to reassure older me that it was okay. When we embraced there was this unspoken knowing. I definitely comforted her so that she would accept her leaving this life to go onto the next. I believe I was repeating "it's okay, it's okay" to older me though not in a condescending way. It seemed tough for older me to let go. I did feel an overwhelming love come from my older self. It was a surreal feeling - like this abundance of warmth was being spread. My heart did feel more open and accepting.

I don't fully understand the message of this lesson. I feel like I will in coming days when it all unravels in this course. Was I seeing a glimpse of the future? And, did I travel to the past? Am I to open my heart more? Or is it all of the above? I don't want to overthink it and just appreciate, the experience I had.

Day 12 - A Year to Clear - Look Up

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Lesson 12: Look Up

Today’s lesson is to look up from the computer screen and recognise something of beauty. Taking a minute to really use awareness and focus on the details. Focusing on how it makes me feel.

I got up from my computer at work and looked out the window. I like being in a high rise being able to look outside. I like looking at the cars move with unity and people walking going about their day. I especially like how tiny everything looks at this level and that everything below looks like toys to play with. I can see the beach in the distance and it is a gloomy day today in Melbourne, so grey fills the city. I watch the clouds move and think about how free it looks up there. There is a rooftop garden that’s empty but the layout looks carefully architectured from my point of view. Looking at all the other buildings often makes me wonder how great it must have been to have been the designer of such structures. How someone must have looked up at their creation and thought “I did this” and how magnificent that must feel. I am always in awe of concrete jungles and what it must have taken to build such a city.

What I do notice is that it’s very calming. To be able to not focus on anything else but what I’m seeing. I often wonder what all those people down there are thinking about. But there is a beauty in just being an observer to the outside world. There’s a stillness and peaceful feeling with no sound to accompany what I’m seeing. Just being appreciative of being where I am is enough.

Day 11 - A Year of Spiritual Awakening - Your body is not a random container

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Lesson 11: Your body is not a random container...

Today’s lesson has me connecting with my body. Specifically that my soul chose this particular vessel in which I would learn all my lessons. It’s not by random that I chose this body for this earth life. I can safely say, that I have never connected with my body this way.

The exercise is to go through listing the aspects of my body that I enjoy and what I dislike. Does anything bring me joy or disdain? What does my body tell me? I am to try to understand that nothing is random and everything experienced is part of my soul growth.

I think what I’m disappointed in is myself for letting myself go a bit, putting on over 20kg and not looking after myself. I know I want my body in better shape but I’m finding it difficult to just commit to the exercise. So far this year, I’ve signed up to belly dance class just to get some form of routine happening, hoping that it will have a flow on effect. I know my body cries to me that what I feed it is not right. I need to improve my health so I love my body more. In saying that, I do like being a curvier woman than super skinny. Not that there is anything wrong with skinny people, I just particularly like having curves.

I have always thought my body as a canvas for artwork. It’s why I’ve always wanted tattoos since I was 15 because the body is blank to fill with stories. Not sure why I’ve thought tattoos are cool, I’ve just always enjoyed them. I like admiring my tattoos as well as others because I just find it interesting to look at.

The only thing I’ve struggled with in the past is my physical appearance as it’s been subjected to racism. Living in fear of your life just because you look a certain way is not a way to live. It doesn’t happen in this modern day and age but that fear is still at the back of my mind. I believe that was part of my experience in order to grow a stronger part of my soul and I don’t stand for shit given to me and will always stand up for myself now. Definitely a lesson learned which I may not have understood at the time.

Apart from this, I don’t believe I feel ashamed or sad in my body. I just need a bit of work.

Day 11 - A Year to Clear - What is Awareness?

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Lesson 11: What is Awareness?

Today’s lesson doesn’t delve into anything specific to do but further clarify what awareness is in this course.  We want to be on the journey involving our 5 senses but also “the 6th sense of inner knowing – in present time.” By recognising a situation or task we’ve set ourselves to do in present time, it will open us up, helps release stuck energy and then quiets our mind. This is how I will change as a person.

By adding awareness into every task I do, it will help stop our cycles of procrastination, attachment, resistance and fear – essentially all the things that cloud us with overwhelm will start to dissipate. By starting slowly and eventually becoming an expert in overcoming these tasks, it will create a flow on effect to all aspects of my life, with each step being easier as I evolve. And, I won’t carry around the weight on my shoulders, meaning my efforts will become easier with all the steps I put in place using awareness.

This course is a slow drip method and teaches that I am trying to build better habits that allow more space. I am to remain open to what comes and really let go, by not letting overthinking reside in my head.

Day 10 - A Year of Spiritual Awakening - Strong Karmic Lessons

Lesson 10: Karmic crossings are always strong...

“Lesson 10: Karmic crossings are always strong. They may be difficult, they may be memorable, there is always a sense of attraction or repulsion that cannot be resisted. They may be long lasting or short and immensely intense, depending on how fast you learn the lesson in this crossing.

Exercise: What relationships are you working on most today? This week? What relationships do you avoid working on? What relationships in your life have a sense of destiny, as if the karmic crossing was decided a long time ago, or has existed in many lifetimes before? Write down the names of the people in your life who come to mind, as important karmic crossings. Contemplate these people, and your relationship with each of them.”

— Sara Wiseman

I can’t say that I am working on any relationships with others at the moment. I don’t feel like any relationship with another person needs further insight and love. The only relationship I am working on is the one I would probably the neglect the most, and that’s the one I have with myself. I feel like this is a constant journey as I’m always learning and that’s a good thing.

If I had to say what relationship has a sense of destiny, I’d say anyone that I’ve met along the way. I feel everyone has something to learn from. I mean, everyone I’ve met in Melbourne after moving here 3 years ago, in my opinion have some sense of destiny. I came to Melbourne after a break up, felt lost, didn’t know how to deal with myself and was a bit out of control. I think all the friends I established and the people I surround myself with are there for me for a reason. I don’t have a partner at present so can’t comment in that capacity but definitely all my friends hold meaning.  I’d like to believe my mum has existed in many lifetimes before because I’ve always felt she is a good person with a lot of understanding – which is what most people want in their life.

I will briefly summarise all the people who I believe are important karmic crossings. The ones that really stood out and gave me a message verbally or unintentionally, or reminded me what I already know. Some of these people, I may not be friends with any longer or haven’t seen in awhile.
 

• Mum – Has always taught me to have faith and see the good in people. Don’t make promises, promises are meant to be broken.
• Joanna (met through my ex-boyfriend) – Reminds me to be the change I want to see in the world.
• Nasiha (met on an app Anchor though have never met in Real Life) – From the ashes we can rise and overcome anything. Self-care is most important also.
• Debra (met on my Thailand trip)– Take the time to listen and relate, rather than judge.
• Ben (met at work) – To always see from the other person’s perspective.
• David (met through Ben) – I am beautiful just the way I am.
• Colin (met through Ben) – You can care about others abundantly but doesn’t mean they should take advantage of you.
• Brett (met at work) – If you work hard and have patience, it’ll pay off.
• Bonny (met at work) – Saying YES and just doing can get you far.
• Hannah (met at work) – You should always do what makes you happy and live YOUR life.
• Benita (met at work) – You’re not going to like everyone in the world and they may not like you, so don’t feel bad for it.
• Marlyn (met at work) – You can be strong without being forceful.
• Amena (met at work) – Don’t give a fuck about what anyone thinks of you. Be who you want to be. Acknowledge others.
• Stephanie (met on my Thailand trip) – Always be yourself. People will love you for it.
• Janette (Medium teacher) – Forget what I know or what other people know, do what I feel is right.
• Vikkhi (Witch mentor) – What I do is in my blood. Be more open to the universe.
• Tehani (Witch mentor) – Don’t force things to happen. Let it be and be receptive to what comes.

All of these people have helped me along the way. I’m sure there are people in whom I’ve missed out but I feel like everyone I meet along the way holds value. I am constantly learning and trying to be better towards others. There is always something new you can learn that you may have never thought about before – it’s more about being receptive to it and opening yourself in order to receive.